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What is next for Urban Meyer?



I’m not sure why everyone is so upset over this. I just assumed the entire season this was the case. I think if we quizzed Urban to name every player on his roster this season he is getting at best 75%. I would even let him have the last name of all of his players and he still probably would know all of their names. I love this whole canceling of Urban Meyer’s attempt at this point as if he is still seen as a good guy by some people. Urban Meyer is pretty much disliked by everyone at this point so I am not sure why people are still going after him. Despite all of this Urban will most likely be a head coach again in the next year or two, so I am here today to list my top three landing spots for him. 


3) The Oakland Raiders 


The Raiders have been troubled time and time again by off-the-field issues. They are trying to bring in a new regime with Josh McDaniels and are making big moves like acquiring Davante Adams to become a competitive football team. This just doesn’t feel right. The Raiders exist purely to disappoint and do things that make no sense. Hiring Urban Meyer would help put them back on track. I am currently just sitting here thinking of all the possibilities of problems that Urban Meyer could cause while being in Las Vegas and now I want this to happen. If the Raiders were to hire Urban Meyer I am requesting a camera that follows him around 24/7 in Vegas. This would easily produce the best reality tv show in recent memory and make sure the Raiders have no success. 


2) The first expansion team or relocation team that is outside the US


The NFL is actively trying to expand outside the US to get lots of new fans. Each year more and more games are being played in London and Mexico City leading many people to believe that one day there will permanently be teams in these places. Having Urban Meyer become the face of football in another country would be hilarious. It’s kind of like the hypothetical where aliens come to earth and we have to send one person to meet with them. Except in this scenario, we are sending the wrong guy and he fucks everything up. Urban would probably offend half of the new fan base for not respecting their country’s culture. Also, I could see him saying the travel for away games is too tough for his team and choosing not to travel and sending another coach to coach his team. 


1) Houston Gamblers 


This one is easily my favorite option. The USFL will kick off in April. Ultimately starting a new league can be difficult and something that could make people watch the new league would be bringing in a recognizable head coach that people would want to support. I chose the Houston Gamblers specifically as the team that should bring in Urban. They have already hired Kevin Sumlin to be their head coach but in case they wanted to replace him Urban should be the guy. I specifically chose the Gamblers because Urban is of course going to need a new scandal to get involved with if he is going to be a head coach again. That is why I think he should start openly betting on his team and throwing games in the USFL. That would bring a lot of attention to the USFL and help grow the new league. Urban Meyer has never affected anyone outside his team with his scandals. This would easily allow him to fuck up an entire league. Now that I have put this thought in my head the only way for USFL to find success in my head is for them to have massive gambling and game-fixing scandal. 


Urban Meyer will be coaching somewhere a year from now and I very much hope it is for one of these teams. I hope we are done giving Urban Meyer serious head coaching jobs and that we can come together as a society and realize that Urban Meyer needs to be given a job so we can all see the new ways he can fuck things up. 

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Dax

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